What Every Relationship Needs and Every Great Relationship Has.

“Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, and does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love never fails.”

Assumption of goodwill.

  • Absence of malice and benefit of doubt.
  • Absence of unwarranted hostility.
  • Assumption of trust

Open, self-disclosing and skilled communication.

  • Good listening skills. Sharing hopes, dreams, wishes, problems and personal intimacies.

Good conflict resolution skills.

  • Good problem solving, negotiating and compromising skills.
  • Careful and skilled with anger, not becoming vicious when angry.
  • Absence of threats, name calling and labeling.
  • Making an effort to initiate reconciliation after a fight, and to be healing when the other person is hurt or angry.

Friendship and support .

  • The feeling that your partner is on your side. Not that he or she always agrees with you, just that you genuinely feel that your partner is your friend and ally and you can turn to them for emotional support.

Nurturing and Giving .

  • Being responsive to your mate.
  • Making what’s important to your partner important to you.

Affection .

  • Lots of touch.
  • Sexually receptive.
  • Trying to please sexually. Courting rather than demanding sex.

Fidelity.

  • Doing whatever you can to help your mate feel secure about your loyalty.
  • Not letting your eyes or thoughts stray toward someone else.
  • Not acting on being attracted to someone else.
  • Not succumbing to the advances of others.

Stability and Reliability.

  • Keeping your relationship on solid footing.
  • Not threatening to leave.
  • Not withdrawing from it.

Honesty.

  • Refusal to lie, steal, or deceive in any way.
  • Uprightness of character and action
  • Saying what you mean and meaning what you say.
  • Acting reliable and trustworthy.

Emotionally Connected.

  • Permitting yourself to be vulnerable and to emotionally surrender to your mate.
  • To not be very emotionally guarded armored, defended or protected.

Romance.

  • Courting, Sweet gestures – massages, meals, help around the house, surprises, flowers, notes and cards, etc.
  • Going out of your way to please, and doing so on an ongoing basis.

Respect.

  • Believing in your partner and their capabilities, skills and efforts.
  • Not trying to undermine her/his self-esteem.

Reciprocity.

  • Overall in the relationship, what you give is roughly equivalent to what you receive.
  • Remembering and showing that your partner’s needs are as important as your needs.

Physically and Emotionally available when interacting with your partner.

  • Present. Not distracted, preoccupied or thinking about other things.
  • Able to relate in the here and now.

Both partners have positive self-esteem.

  • Not overly jealous, possessive, controlling or paranoid.
  • Able to acknowledge and admit wrongdoing.
  • Seeing the cup half full – Positive outlook – Believing in yourself.

Tact and Diplomacy.

  • Saying things carefully so you’re not unnecessarily hurtful or wounding.

Receptivity.

  • Willing to take input, feedback and suggestions.
  • Willing to try things the other person’s way.
  • Not too set in your ways.

Adventurous.

  • Occasionally doing things out of the ordinary. Willing to try new things.
  • Continuously looking at what’s fun for the two of you.

Conclusion:

Go through this list with your partner, not with the view of showing them what they should be doing but to show them how you are going to make your relationship better. Read the books, take the classes, seek outside help if necessary. Be committed and do what ever it takes to achieve the things in this list. Communicate well and always remember that your partner’s needs are as important as your own needs.

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