Getting ready to bite when someone comes nearby? Check.
Family, friends and even frenemies will tolerate this behavior for about two weeks after the big, bad breakup. Eventually, they will run out of patience and you will be left with nothing except unwanted solitude, and a dreary lack of support.
Well, you’re in luck. Because this article specifically caters to the people in your position. Do not let go of all that pent up energy. Put a brake on releasing it out in the wrong direction, and get ready to work on six simple ways to get your man back after a breakup!
In This Article
1. Be the person he fell in love with
We’ve all heard this phrase countless times – but what does it really mean? Flipping through pictures, you may note a woman without any scowls, frowns or a distant look in her eyes. She also bears an uncanny resemblance to you. A lot of times people forget why and how they fell in love with each other in the first place. Being with them becomes almost methodical. Falling in a rut leads to boredom, and consequently, the boredom leads to petty fights or cold detachment. Maybe he loved your independence, but that changed due to the monotonous routine where you are dependent on his presence to carry on with your life. Think back to who you used to be; it will be easy because inherently, you will still want to be the same person but circumstances led you to lose grip of her. Show him that the ‘you’ he loves still resides in you.
2. Don’t make him jealous
Contrary to popular belief, the notion of ‘making-him-jealous-so-he-comes-running-back-to-you’ is NOT one to be entertained. The approach is cheap and outdated, not something that should be advised to women in the 21st century (not that it should have been advised in the previous centuries either). If he sees you flirting with another man, he will only be confused with the mixed signals thrown his way. And we all know how much he hates the signs and signals – basically anything indirect. If he sees that you are, in fact, the recipient of male attention, the numbers on the jealousy meter will gradually move skyward, like a thermometer in boiling water. Let his emotions come naturally. If you try and push them in the direction you want, there is a good chance of your ‘plans’ to backfire in your face.
3. Observe the change in him
The effects of the breakup, like the breakup itself, are always two-sided. You can feel it taking its toll on you, but don’t forget that he is out there feeling something that you are not aware of. Ask your (close and nonjudgmental) friends about him. What is he like these days/what is he doing/have you noticed any changes? Either he seems okay, and is obviously taking the breakup better than you. Or he is seemingly forlorn, and spaces out frequently. Go meet him somewhere – preferably at gatherings or parties – and review his behavior towards you. Read the next step for details.
4. Check for signs of interest
Is he acting uncharacteristically in any way? High pitched laughter, nervous shuffling of feet or paying you compliments with a direct pierce gaze into your eyes – these are all give-away signs that he does not want to remain broken up any more than you. This is not the right situation to bring up the idea of reconciliation, since you do not want to make a decision in an emotionally charged moment. Do convey your message as subtly as possible. A mild flirtation during this time is a good move; it could sway the outcome in the direction you want drastically.
5. Keep in control
While reading the phrase ‘mild flirtation’, do not skip out on the mild in your excitement. Yes, you are getting closer to achieving what you want. Yes, you could get the love of your life back. And YES, you could lose him very easily with a single misstep. Be calm and confident. This is not a new face. This is a face that you know like the back of your hand, a face where all the expressions are familiar and loved. You may feel exasperated the pace of things, and begin acting jittery and tense, or commit the horrifying act of blurting out ‘I love you!’ in their face. Simple advice: try not to lose touch with yourself. Otherwise, you might incite in them a fight-or-flight syndrome – and who knows what their reflex may be.
6. Provide specific reasons
Assuming that you have kept your cool in the process up till now, a time will come when one of you will have to initiate ‘the’ conversation. The best way to go about it is to refrain from beating around the bush. Tell him why you think it is in both your best interests to be together again. Since ‘I miss you’ is not a convincing argument, you should go along the lines of ‘I think we should give it another go because…’ Remind him all the things that kept you both happy during the relationship and how it is not possible to recreate a bond like that by starting a new relationship from scratch. Know what you have to say, but don’t make it sound like you rehearsed it in front of the mirror. It should sound heartfelt – not robotic.
If you sense disinterest from him at any point, don’t hesitate to back away, because all your efforts will be in vain. Always remember that just because you want him back, does not mean you need him back.